internet, meet my mother.

Until my mom gets a new router, we just have cable internet hooked up to her desktop computer. Since we both use the internet at home pretty often we just share her desktop during the day and I hook up my laptop in the other room when she goes to bed. I'm usually signed in to Digsby and this is what happens when she kicks me off the computer for a few minutes to check her email:



Also,

“furry dave” : sup
singwxoutareason: the unknown
“furry dave” : yeah?
singwxoutareason: i was typing a poem in an email and the program locked up and i wrote 'the unknown' and it landed in your im. i'm sissa's mom. lol
singwxoutareason: LOL OMG MY MOM
“furry dave” : yeah
singwxoutareason: ahahahahahhahahaha h god
singwxoutareason: are you super creeped out?
“furry dave” : yes
singwxoutareason: i wish you typed, "wheres bush???"
“furry dave” : i shouldve
singwxoutareason: bahahahha are you scarred?
“furry dave” : yes
singwxoutareason: lololollo im so so so so sorry
singwxoutareason: but
singwxoutareason: LOL


Yeah, my mom ends up messaging guys that IM me when their windows pop up.

This is why I'm single.

DOES MY INDIFFERENCE MAKE YOU HARD?

Really long chat log even after cutting out a lot of it, but oh my god. Ohmygod. Just some guy I hooked up with once a few years ago.

[3:27:37 AM] some dude: you have to turn me on.
[3:28:08 AM] me: *switch*
[3:28:10 AM] me: kay
[3:28:19 AM] some dude: mhmm
[3:28:22 AM] me: *presses start button*
[3:28:25 AM] some dude: LOL
[3:28:26 AM] me: beepbeepboopboop
*cut out some babble*
[3:40:34 AM] some dude: member when we fuct?
[3:40:41 AM] me: yeah
[3:40:54 AM] some dude: thoughts?
[3:41:02 AM] me: it happened
[3:41:04 AM] me: as i recall.
[3:41:05 AM] some dude: lol
[3:41:49 AM] some dude: yea
[3:41:53 AM] some dude: but like
[3:41:59 AM] some dude: it should again
[3:42:43 AM] me: oh should it now
*cut out more babble*
[3:47:59 AM] some dude: well as i recall
[3:48:25 AM] some dude: you were stratling me, while i was sucking your nice small nipples ...they were quite hard.
[3:48:38 AM] me: oh theywere?
[3:48:50 AM] some dude: and when i started to finger you , you were wet as fuck,,
[3:49:20 AM] me: oh i was?
[3:49:22 AM] some dude: mhm
[3:50:18 AM] some dude: i loved your nice pink nipples, and small tits
[3:50:31 AM] some dude: sucking them is alot of fun
[3:50:38 AM] me: im glad my lack of cleavage pleased you
[3:51:00 AM] some dude: oh it did
[3:51:21 AM] some dude: my dick was so fucking hard
[3:51:29 AM] me: oh was it?
[3:51:32 AM] some dude: mhm.
[3:51:59 AM] some dude: and i wasn't sure if you were gonna let me fuck you at first..
[3:52:07 AM] me: oh you werent?
[3:52:12 AM] some dude: nope.
[3:52:34 AM] some dude: mmhm now im fuckin hard...damn
[3:52:49 AM] me: hang on
[3:52:51 AM] me: i gotta poop
[3:52:57 AM] some dude: lol
[3:53:22 AM] some dude: whats wrong with u lol
[3:53:40 AM] me: well
[3:53:43 AM] me: i ate today
[3:53:45 AM] me: and, you know
[3:53:48 AM] me: everyone poops
[3:53:51 AM] some dude: o gawd
[3:53:53 AM] me: there would be something wrong
[3:53:57 AM] me: if i DIDNT have to poop
[3:53:57 AM] some dude: jeezus
[3:53:59 AM] me: so excuse me
[3:54:02 AM] me: while i go be normal
[3:54:19 AM] some dude: are u jsut trying to fuc wit me? lol
[3:55:13 AM] me: no i actually had to poop
[3:55:18 AM] me: but instead i just went pee
[3:55:23 AM] me: and forgot i had to poop
[3:55:25 AM] me: so brb again
[3:55:26 AM] some dude: o ...wonderfull
[3:55:43 AM] some dude: well
[3:55:53 AM] some dude: are you going to let me get turned on again?? or...
[3:57:37 AM] some dude: if you wanna fuck me, fucking tell me


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i stopped responding because I was laughing way too hard the whole time and couldn't take it anymore

PROBABLY WHY I'M SINGLE. DUDE TOTALLY WANTS ME.

420

So today's 4-20 (woo!) and since I don't have any friends out here to smoke with, I'm going to have to sit in front of my grandma's house and have my MOM light my pipe for me. In my partial defense, it's a funky pipe so it's really awkward to hold and keep my finger on the carb while lighting with the other hand.

But still, probably why I'm single seeing as this isn't the first time I've had to have my mother light my pipe for me.

another post about fellatio

I had a friend staying over at my apartment (when I had roommates in west LA) before I moved to washington. Sort of a goodbye thing, even though we hardly saw each other because I don't drive and he lives in santa ana. Anywho, whenever he did stay over we ended hooking up/cuddling/making out/whatever. This time was no exception. I can't remember if we got high before or after it happened, but I'm really hoping it was before. Oh god, please let it have been before so I can have some sort of excuse...

We got to messing around, his pants were off, dong in my hand/mouth and all of that business. He had a wee bit of trouble getting fully hard and we couldn't figure out why, but I came up with an idea. I had a bottle of root beer that I got when we were at the store earlier, and I figured the carbonation would possibly tingle and stimulate him somewhat. He agreed to trying it, so I leaned over him with a mouth full of root beer and was about to begin a beej when I realized that the second I opened my mouth it would come pouring out all over him and my bed. So I swallowed it and said, "Okay. I'm going to lie down with my mouth open and full of soda. Just like... sit on my chest or something and lower your penis into my mouth, ok?"

I lay down on my back, mouth full of soda, and as he got on top of me I realized how ridiculous this was, and started laughing because there was a penis coming at my face from above. I had to quickly push him off of me and sit up because I was choking from laughter, soda coming out of my nose. Thankfully I had a clean "cum towel" I kept near my bed just in case to spit the rest of the soda into.

THIS IS WHY I'M SINGLE.

STOVE!

That same night that I farted in his car, we were out in the orange groves around midnight after smoking a little. We were there for a while and eventually he had to pee so I pestered him, oh how I pestered, to let me watch him pee. I don't have a weird pee fetish or anything. I'm not into golden showers and I don't get off on people releasing fluids through their body parts (except semen, I guess, but that's more of a fluid plus a shit ton of LIVING SINGLE CELLED ORGANISMS or something). I just thought it would be really amusing, and somehow managed to convince him to let me. Or perhaps he just wanted me to shut up. He pulled out his dongle and did his business while I stood next to him, bent over, cheek pressed against his elbow or side probably, and watched. I also poked it and giggled.

This is why I'm single.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff...

FUCK YOU, MARK.

/UPDATE

<3

EDIT: alright here's a belated explanation

AIM convo with this dude matt who called me allie, so I call him mark when I'm feeling... like calling him mark?

(5:06:43 AM) "mark" aight im boning out to bed
(5:06:46 AM) singwxoutareason :(
(5:06:55 AM) "mark" its 5 am!
(5:06:59 AM) singwxoutareason :(
!
(5:07:00 AM) singwxoutareason !!!!!
(5:07:04 AM) "mark" just go update your blog
(5:07:08 AM) singwxoutareason :(
(5:07:11 AM) "mark" lol

i promise my vagina is not a vortex

[SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC, OR DETAILED, OR SOMETHING.]

I met a boy on an anonymous website (ended up being someone layla knows-ish, lol) and we decided to meet up. I was originally intending just to chat with random people on there, and possibly hook up if someone particularly sparked my interest/gave me boners. He was hoping for a possible relationship later on, and I was unsure if that was something I was interested in with him or in general so we agreed to get to know each other a little/hook up and see if there was anything there. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling it after meeting. My lack of interest, I assure you, had nothing to do with what happened when we tried to have sex.

The condom slipped off at some point and I freaked out a little bit. I couldn't find it anywhere around us. I started laughing and said, "OOH MY GOD I HAVE TO GO IN THE BATHROOM AND FIND IT. PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON, WE HAVE TO TRY AGAIN LATER AND OH MY GOD I HAVE TO CALL LAYLA." I went into the bathroom and spent five minutes laughing, texting several people what just happened, and trying to dig it out of my lady parts. It was so far up in there it took a lot of effort to find it and pull it out because I could barely reach. I mean, it wasn't THAT deep in the depths of the deep depths, but I have little hands/short fingers. And I was laughing.

I came back, put on a super (not) sexy bathrobe and clung to my teddybear for a good while as we watched Bruno. At some point I was playfully punching him in the face and beating him with a pink stuffed snake. SUPER FUCKING SEXY.

THIS IS TOTALLY WHY I AM SINGLE.
(although somehow he was still into me? but I wasn't feeling it :/)

Edit: Forgot, I folded up a piece of cardboard from a box of cookies I opened, stuck it in his nose, and made him sit with it in there while I took a photo.

because.

I got drunk and changed my facebook name to Richard Dick Mallet. It gives me, and apparently others (success!) a mental image along the lines of smashing a dick with a blunt object. I haven't changed it back.

This is why I'm single.

WATCH OUT FOR YOUR DICKS, BOYS.

on exes

Somewhere in 2007, ~*~Justin~*~ broke up with me because he wanted to discuss religion and ideas and the meaning of life and I just wanted to talk about Pokemon.

This is why I'm single.