TY

Ty beanie babies. It's not pronounced "tee why," it's "tie." The creator's name is Ty Warner. Whenever someone says "tee why," I will correct them and explain. With a serious face. If you show me any beanie baby made before 2001, I can tell you its name. I can probably name a vast number of them created up until 2008 or so as well. I can also tell you which ones were made exclusively for certain countries, the rarity of a large number of them, how many versions of certain ones there are and what the specific differences are, and which ones look the exact same but have different names and which name is worth more. I used to memorize some of their poems, and I still remember one of them. I have a small box with some tags I saved when they fell off of some of them and I'm not sure if I want to get rid of them or not just yet.

This is why I'm single.

KISS ME HERE TOUCH ME THERE HANKY PANKY

I downloaded nine different versions of Barbie Girl when I was in highschool. NINE. I listened to that song religiously and recorded myself yelling it for my voicemail.

This is why I'm single.

Bounce houses and bandages.

Last year there was one of those bounce house climb-up-and-slide-down things on the campus of my college, I think for a gay pride/awareness/tolerance event of sorts. It was pretty unoccupied for the most part, which was weird, but I decided to go play on it with some people I hung around when I got out of class. At one point while sliding down, and I have no idea how, I ended up skinning both of my knees and my elbows. I'm pretty sure I was wearing a sweatshirt, too, but probably not long pants. I went to the health office to get some band-aids and clean it off because it was incredibly oozy and there was some dirt in it. They didn't have any normal sized band-aids so he gave me some square thick puffy bandages that were unnecessarily large and I had to walk around like that for a good portion of the afternoon. My sister was not pleased at the sight when I met up with her.

I SKINNED MY ELBOWS AND KNEES ON AN INFLATABLE PLAY STRUCTURE. IN COLLEGE.

This is why I'm single.

Flirtitude?

This was the same day/guy from the previous post.

When I was changing to go stay over at a friend's house/hook up with him, Layla made fun of my panties because the brand name, "Flirtitude" was stitched across the band in front. I insisted she shut up because otherwise they were cute panties(girl's "boy briefs"). Later that day, when my friend took my pants off, HE made fun of my panties! I may or may not have punched him in the face for it... if I didn't, I probably tried to at some point for a different reason. I also freaked out when he tried to take my socks off (apparently he knows I hate that?) because for quite some time I refused to take off my Bieber shirt.

This is why I'm single.




Thought: How/WHY does anyone hook up with me? Is my MAJESTICALLY TIGHT VAGINA really worth all of my nonsense (and heat)? Apparently. Ha!

disclaimer: NOT A FAN

I tried to get my friend to have sex with me while I wore this shirt.



It didn't work.

I ALSO PAID MONEY FOR THIS SHIRT.

This is why I'm single.

7 1/2" thereabouts?

So today, I was checking my email and this guy's IM popped up. I found him while trolling craigslist and we'd talk here and there. I had no intention of ever meeting him or taking a conversation seriously. I told him I was in town staying at a friend's and would be slow to respond because I was going up and downstairs. Conversation somehow got to his dick and he reminded me that I had asked him before how long his penis was and he told me he'd never measured it and refused to measure it. Ends up he works not too far from my friend's house and I had nothing better to do so he found a tape measure in his office and she dropped me off outside of the building. I went up there, had him watch some porn to get hard, and measured his dick. We walked out together and parted ways after a block.

This is why I'm single.