Because lizards.

Remember how I spent a lot of time with my two best friends one summer? Well, Tony was hangin' out for drinky time and before I started putting my hair on people, I poked him IN THE FACE with my lizard until she gave him "kisses."

I was not, at any point, inebriated last night.

Also, I have likely done this to several other people in the past.

This is why I'm single.