One time...

I was with a few friends at a 7-11 around 3am. We had been smoking and wanted to get some snacks, so I got one of those really cheap cherry pie things in the paper wrappers. I started eating my pie outside on the sidewalk as we were talking and I decided there was entirely too much cherry goo in there. So, I squeezed the crust together and a gob of goo bulged out and plopped onto the ground. I did this a few times until I deemed the pie edible again and had goo ALL over my hands and the parking lot. I awkwardly opened the doors of the store with my palms and a pinky finger, retrieved some napkins, and did my best to clean my hands up. All the while everyone saying "OH THAT'S SO GROSS," and me wailing "...Is this why I'm single?"