But really, CAN you believe it?

I just can't see what I'm possibly doing that isn't date-worthy.

Because I'm a creep

Sometimes I like to greet customers in a special way

I think very highly of my sense of humor.

Pardon the shit quality. I can't log in to this account from my phone for some reason so I had to DOWNLOAD AN UPLOAD AND UPLOAD THE DOWNLOADED UPLOAD
Guise I'm so tech savvy, Guise. Pls.

GIF TIME!

Men when I'm obvious about wanting them:

Men when I'm aloof af:

And lastly, boys when I'm just not into it:

Edit- Case in point:

I'm just waiting for the swearing messages to come in. Oh, come they will. Come, they will...

Maybe I shouldn't be allowed to talk about why I like your dick, ever.

I hooked up with this guy last night who I'd been lightly lusting over for like... a year, maybe? So that was pretty fuckin fantastic but there were some things...

I wiggled too much and pulled my hamstring. I couldn't sit properly for several days.

When I was talking to my roommate about it after, the only way I could think to describe his penis was, "like a lightly scented dryer sheet."

Maybe that's why I haven't gotten laid in approximately three forevers/definitely maybe why I'm forever single.

Also, THIS

is now a permanent installation in the livingroom/something I texted this poor man with the caption, "Tonight. You."