The summer after ninth grade, I went to Warped Tour for the first time with my friend Samantha*. We awoke at the buttcrack of dawn and stopped at whole foods to get a bite of breakfast before embarking on our journey to Fullerton. I wasn't really that hungry, but the breakfast bar caught my eye and the sausage links caught my nostrils. I grabbed a single link of sausage, put it in one of those little post-consumer/compostable cardboard boxes, and went to the check-out to pay for it. Having a customer buy a single link of sausage for fifteen cents was probably annoying in itself, but I also only had a hundred dollar bill on me. The woman definitely judged me. I kept my receipt for a few years.
This is why I'm single.
*I introduced her to the word "twat" during P.E. one day so she put me in her phone as twat.
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