On the night of Christmas 09, after all the present opening and bad food was done and over with, my friends came and picked me up in the 67 camero. I had just gotten out of the shower when they called to tell me to come out side because they were kidnapping me. I of course agreed to said adventure. I put on old gray sweatpants, a very colorful cosby sweater, no bra, a lumber jack hat, and light blue keds. (best outfit ever!) My best guy friend CT wanted coffee, so we drove from the valley to Santa Monica blvd., to this place called cacao (I love this place now) we met a whole bunch of very cool guys. I'm known for being outrageous in public ie. topless in public, screaming, rudeness, etc. I pulled a classic Madison; yelling, showing off my awesome tits and picking up my "twin" Emma and humping her. I started to talk to one guy Ian (now my friend) about something and he mentioned that he thought I was a lesbian, I'm not. I just look like one. I guess.
Prior to this I had met a very cute guy- lets call him "Karl", who I had been texting back and forth with... a lot. Around 2am we left the coffee shop and drove back to the valley. I made plans to meet "Karl" on a street corner to basically have sex in his car. My friends begrugingly left me on the corner. I waited for almost an hour and gave up and called my mom at nearly 3am to come pick me up. Needless to say as soon as she got me he called to ask where i was. I made my mom wait in a parking lot with me till he showed up. He was drunk, so I had him drive to my moms house to have coffee and sober up before he drove home.
When we got back to my mothers place she went back to sleep and we hung out in the living room while I made him coffee. We talked about the last time I had seen him (which was crazy drama). So, we drank our coffee and started snuggling and making-out. Things started to pick up and his hand traveled south. I said "I'm not in fighting shape." His drunk face kinda went blank. "I'm not leaking, I'm umm scruffy..." And I rubbed his facial scruff. He said "Oh." gave me a blank look and kept going with his original plan. Things picked up from there and the lights went out and I went down on him. In the middle of that, my mother walked into the living room. I moved my head to the side as quickly as I could and we both pretended like we were asleep. "Fuck fuck fuck" I thought. I was praying she didn't see anything. She proceeded to walk over to the linen closet and pull out a blanket. She then laid the blanket over us and walked back into her room. I was fucking mortified. After about ten minuets. He got up and claimed he had to get home to return his mothers car and left.
I STILL havent had sex with this guy. I've spent the night at his house with just me and him and hung out with him a few times after this. And nothing. Hopefully I'll be seeing him soon. So we'll see how things work out. ( Can I add that I just got out of a two year relationship with a guy I lived with, wanted to marry, and his children.)
From this story I learned:
- I dress like a lesbian.
- I'm loud and obnoxious.
- I say uncomfortable things.
- My mom is good at cock blocking.
How on earth has anyone ever wanted to have sex with me?
THIS IS WHY I'M SINGLE!
Prior to this I had met a very cute guy- lets call him "Karl", who I had been texting back and forth with... a lot. Around 2am we left the coffee shop and drove back to the valley. I made plans to meet "Karl" on a street corner to basically have sex in his car. My friends begrugingly left me on the corner. I waited for almost an hour and gave up and called my mom at nearly 3am to come pick me up. Needless to say as soon as she got me he called to ask where i was. I made my mom wait in a parking lot with me till he showed up. He was drunk, so I had him drive to my moms house to have coffee and sober up before he drove home.
When we got back to my mothers place she went back to sleep and we hung out in the living room while I made him coffee. We talked about the last time I had seen him (which was crazy drama). So, we drank our coffee and started snuggling and making-out. Things started to pick up and his hand traveled south. I said "I'm not in fighting shape." His drunk face kinda went blank. "I'm not leaking, I'm umm scruffy..." And I rubbed his facial scruff. He said "Oh." gave me a blank look and kept going with his original plan. Things picked up from there and the lights went out and I went down on him. In the middle of that, my mother walked into the living room. I moved my head to the side as quickly as I could and we both pretended like we were asleep. "Fuck fuck fuck" I thought. I was praying she didn't see anything. She proceeded to walk over to the linen closet and pull out a blanket. She then laid the blanket over us and walked back into her room. I was fucking mortified. After about ten minuets. He got up and claimed he had to get home to return his mothers car and left.
I STILL havent had sex with this guy. I've spent the night at his house with just me and him and hung out with him a few times after this. And nothing. Hopefully I'll be seeing him soon. So we'll see how things work out. ( Can I add that I just got out of a two year relationship with a guy I lived with, wanted to marry, and his children.)
From this story I learned:
- I dress like a lesbian.
- I'm loud and obnoxious.
- I say uncomfortable things.
- My mom is good at cock blocking.
How on earth has anyone ever wanted to have sex with me?
THIS IS WHY I'M SINGLE!
http://dslut.blogspot.com/
"I'm not leaking, I'm umm scruffy..."
ReplyDeleteAmazing.
i wish this was the worst thing i've ever said to someone while i was sober.
ReplyDeletedrunk is a whole other level of wow.
I'M SO STEALING THAT "LEAKING" LINE. GENIUS.
ReplyDeleteI'm no longer single... sorry ladies. how this could have happened, i don't know. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeletehahaha, eventually everyone's gonna be all booed up and Alyssa will be the only single one left.
ReplyDeleteCONGRATS.
ReplyDeleteAND ALSO
FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK!!!! >:|
ok. i have to take that back. we broke up.
ReplyDeletei was dating this guy named erik. and we broke up after a week because he's in love with this girl (since he was 17 he is now 26)who won't give him the time of day.
last night i told the guy from my post "karl" that i couldn't see him when he was in town because i was seeing someone. He was yelling at me and i was crying about "how could this happen!" "i knew this would happen" and i of course pronounced my love for him and told him that i couldn't wait around for him to be around. so after a good day of shopping with my friend i got the text from erik saying it was over. i then called "karl" and told him that i was no longer with erik. his tone went from "wtf do you want." to "omg! i can't believe this happened!" then i went to the viper room and had fun/drank. i went to the coffee shop and hung out with my friends. after a while erik came by but never said hi to me or anything. although i'm wondering whats really going on because he texted me again today to apologize again about it. it was weird. i'm in purgatory of i just broke up with a really awesome guy and i'm about to find out if i can be with the guy of my dreams.
...8 months late to party on noticing this comment. dfhkasjdgfskjdhgksdgj I need to turn on email notification!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat has happened since then?!
I posted this through my account, so DSLUT probably won't see this unless she regularly checks the 7 comments she had on a guest post she did months ago. She doesn't update her blog anymore, though.
ReplyDelete