on blood

I have bled on more than my fair share of men. I don't just mean that I got my period at a guy's house- although that is what happened last night, haha ew.

I'm certain that the worst bleeding incident was last week. This bro was going downtown when I heard him utter the worst three words I could ever imagine hearing while someone's face was adjacent to my vag. He said "is this blood?" and I freaked out, imagining that he had somehow managed to break what little is left of my hymen and I was bleeding my virginity away into his mouth. It wasn't until I was driving home that I remembered cutting myself while shaving a few hours earlier.

THIS IS DEFINITELY WHY I'M SINGLE