The one that got away. Or rather, ran at breakneck speed. One of many.

I was sort of involved with a guy over a year ago, nothing official, but I was pretty into it. He was too, for a while. He ended up just cutting me off completely and I wasn't sure if there was something that I had said or done to upset or annoy him, or if perhaps something had happened to him. I sent him some messages asking what was up and he'd never reply. I don't remember if I called or not. After a few weeks I was pretty upset and concerned, so I asked a friend of his if he knew what was up. I guess he'd been a little off with everyone lately, but I wanted to do something to get him to speak to me again. Somehow the conclusion was drawn that I should write him a physical letter and send it, and bel-air him in it somewhere.

Oh, a letter I wrote.

Not only did I write him a letter, but since I had just cut my hair I decided it would be hilarious to stuff some of it in the envelope as a joke. Here, guy, have something to remember me by. I probably also covered the envelope in an absurd amount of stickers.

Here's the letter I wrote, it's pretty bad. Ok, it's awful:


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My dearest Sunshine,

My head is pregnant with thoughts of you. My brain is an oocyte, and you are the sperm. When I think about you, I touch myself. I take my hand and swirl my fingers around a container of petroleum jelly and proceed to rub my elbows in small circles, slowly, sensually. I took a picture of you and had it blown up. I then had it silk screened onto a blanket which I hump vigorously on a nightly basis. I saved all of our conversations over AIM and lined my walls with print-outs. Sometimes when I’m lonely and missing you, when it just becomes unbearable, I like to suck on the papers, lick them, and have a passionate makeout session while listening to your band. Your voice fills my ears with bliss, penetrating my heart, coursing through my veins. You invade my soul. *****, my love, every time we touch I feel the static. It’s an unbelievable sensation coursing through every nerve cell in my many-celled body, and I find myself craving it more and more. Every time we touch, I get this feeling… Every time we kiss, I swear I can fly, but I realize I am mistaken when I crash to the bottom of a cliff. My heart beats fast, I want this to last… *****, I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE. Do you understand me? ***** ***** *****, GOD DAMNIT.

I am unquenchably thirsty for you. Your voice, your face, your pubic hair, your scent, every ounce of cytoplasm present in your body. You make me want to la la. In the kitchen, on the floor. You make me want to scream… HARDER, OH YES, HARDER, OOOOOOOOOH.

When I stare at you, it’s like I’m melting in your eyes like the first time I caught fire and Dorothy poured water on me and I melted into a pile of green plasma excited to its highest state. I want to consume you. I want to ingest you. I want to feel you inside me and never poop so that you’ll be with me always and forever. John, you are my only, my only one. Every aching moment I’m without you is as hard to deal with, to get through, to live in, as a pigeon which has a shoe for a beak and feet for wings. I want to be everything you need, desire, and love. I want to power spawn your babies, four hundred babies. Without you I am empty, invisible, and hopeless. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days… alone. My life had no meaning until I came across the breathtaking beauty that was your pixels. The pixels of your photos, of your words, they awakened me from my seemingly everlasting slumber, they brought me back from the empty void, the black hole that was my heart. As I end this letter, I leave you with a gift, a token of my undying love for you. Take this hair wad and cherish it always.

Truly and forever…ly yours… ly,

Pompandalyssa

((Atashi wo ite mo ii nai<3 span="">

**His name isn't John, so I left that there.

This is definitely why I'm single.

Edit: Somehow this was one of the ones I ended up cutting off after rekindling our whatever some years later.