on candygrams

Y'all bitches remember candygrams? If you don't, they were cards sent in middle school in association with an upcoming holiday or event, usually Valentine's Day or winter break, and generally had a lollipop attached to them. I have received a few, all of them from friends, but the ones I sent... no such luck.

Well, I've sent a few candygrams to friends over the years, but the one that goes down in history as the worst candygram ever (ever!) would be the one I sent in eighth grade.

See, in eighth grade, I was positively over the moon for one of my friends. Valentine's day was coming up, and I felt that I had to tell him how I felt. In a candygram. Anonymously. In Japanese.

You're probably confused at this point. If you don't know me, you'd be surprised at an eighth grader in an American school knowing Japanese. If you do know me, you'll know that I didn't begin studying Japanese until tenth grade, and I wasn't any good until eleventh. So, let me explain what I meant by "Japanese". I took a manga (Japanese comic), selected 26 random characters from the background (namely street signs and sound effects), assigned each of them to a letter, and wrote my message in code.

THIS IS DEFINITELY WHY I'M SINGLE

PS- When the candygrams were delivered, the boy and I were the only ones to receive one... and I was sitting next to him. I was mortified. I had assumed that more people would receive candygrams, but since we were the only people it was the focus of attention.